god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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