i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
