weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
