Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
