He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
