she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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