I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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