Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
