Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
