You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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