Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
