you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
