remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
