Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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