We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
