Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize