you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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