Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
