Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
