never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize