Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
