I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
