morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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