so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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