Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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