ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
