i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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