The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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