The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize