The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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