Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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