Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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