My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.