First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.