my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
