fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
