Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i think my cat just said my name.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
