My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
