My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
