I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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