Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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