i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
