That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
