I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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