it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
