The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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