I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
