Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
