Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
