He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
