We got so high we made milksteak
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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