Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
