Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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