remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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