There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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