Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
