I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
