cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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