My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
