I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
