party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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