i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
