She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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