If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
as a side note pls kill me
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