im six kinds of drunk right now
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize