I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
