____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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