I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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