I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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