Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
