apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
