yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
