Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
