Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
