i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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