I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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