just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
