PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
