hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
