I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
