Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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