Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
