and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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