I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
